Three flies played in the cook’s chest hair that sprouted out the top of his apron like pubic hair out the sides of a careless woman’s swimsuit. He flipped the burger patties and with his chin dug into his chest, attempted to disrupt the fornicating filth of the flies. Three times he blew and three … Continue reading Butterface →

I had been interrupted from pretending to work for this bullshit. We all sat around and waited for him to start. Beads of sweat and lonely strands of hair occupied his forehead like unwanted guests. There was a ponytail. It was a last ditch effort to cling to the youth that was as faint as … Continue reading Team Building →

He sat in the doctor's waiting room with his finger in his ear. Digging like a gold miner, he was trying to touch his brain. Malnourished pubes clung to his face in clumps and gave his face insufficient protection from the viciousness of the air-conditioning. A sick and dying elderly woman stared at him with … Continue reading The Source →

Karen’s promotion was not without its casualties. The young salesman who had broken records had also inadvertently broken her heart when he failed to show the appropriate amount of interest in her. A sexual harassment accusation and a few out of character outbursts in the company's main showroom later and he was wandering the streets … Continue reading The Promotion →

They sat around the table because serious shit needed to be discussed. Candle light bounced off the walls creating deformed shadows in the darkness and the air was thick like a fart in the shower. What the fuck is this all about and how long will it take? said Gen X.I'm not spending a single … Continue reading The Greatest Generation →

She could never abide by the rules of some God. Fuck. Did He know what it was like to be Her? Yoga mat rolled out in the backyard. Facing the sun as it peaked over the horizon. Hello? Anybody here? Oh, it’s you again. Whore. Positive vibes and nothing ever happened. She didn’t believe in … Continue reading Spiritual, but not Religious →

I had put on a suit for this shit. Ironed the motherfucker myself because this was the sixth time and I wasn’t failing again. Plan B was an ugly woman whose tits you cried into. It was Plan A or nothing. Tiger town. Dusty roads like varicose veins on a fat woman’s leg. My arse … Continue reading Flounder →

Holy shit. Camp Gramps looked good. Oiled up and smelling a million bucks, he wrote some bullshit into the multiple social media accounts he had stacked with fake followers and looked at himself in the mirror one more time. He was the lighthouse in choppy seas. The firm hand on the shoulder that said, "Don't … Continue reading Camp Gramps and the Attack of the Hairy Muffs →

There had been something missing in my life, a giant hollow that I was unable to put my finger on or in. It had been there my whole life, gnawing away at my soul like a termite to wood. I decided to join a women’s rugby team. I had seen the advertisement for new players … Continue reading A Lesbianic Rugby Trial →

Gas Panic. 2002. Roppongi is Tokyo's arsehole and this was before the Hills, but nobody wants to talk about that. I went to the Subway and there were Filipinos behind the counter. Where the fuck was I? I asked the girl behind the counter for a ham wallet but she just stared at me with … Continue reading Gas Panic →