I didn’t mean for her to fly across the room like that. I just asked her why there was no beer in the fridge and she got all up in my face like I’d called her a cunt or just told her I’d fucked her sister. I pushed her away but she’s a small woman … Continue reading Where Do You Go When There’s No More Beer In The Fridge? →

The room was stuffy and he was sweating but none of this bothered him because he couldn’t keep his eyes off the stain. It was on the wall and right up near the ceiling. He knew it was shit but didn’t know how it had got there. Could you even wipe your arse with a … Continue reading The Crime →

Coach ran his hand over his hairless scalp and bits of dry skin fell to the floor like fine snow. He had hit hard times. His biggest prospect had lost his last six fights and four had been by knockout. It was looking like the Fisting Kid was headed for retirement and this troubled the … Continue reading The Fisting Kid →

It didn’t make sense to him. They were $2 each or three for $5. He approached the young guy at the register. You lot are a right bunch of dickheads, he said.Excuse me? said the young man.You’re ripping yourselves off over there. Someone can’t add up. It should be three for $6. You’re fucking yourselves … Continue reading A Trip to the Shops →

He hadn’t died in his sleep so he chalked it up as a win. Rays of sunlight forced their way through the cracks in his curtains like horny rapists on speed aiming for the crack of his arse. His eyes hurt, but everything was going to be fine. Today was the day. The ice cream … Continue reading Blue Pill Ice Cream →

It was time and time was a passenger train hurtling towards the wall that would grab her soul and drag her to bottom of its ocean of loneliness and feline companionship. The refuge of beta males in waiting and cold and clammy nights of shit tinged breath in the dark asking: may I make love … Continue reading Herpes Dynamite →

She was his best friend. That was the best he could do at the moment, but he was playing the long game. Nobody knew her as well as he did. Hours and hours he had spent listening to her pour her heart out about the hundreds of guys who had pumped and dumped her. Surely, … Continue reading Best Friends →

The wooden spoon she had hit them with smashed into splintered shards when she brought it down onto the kitchen bench. GO TO YOUR FUCKING ROOMS, she said and they ran to where she had told them to go. He’d broken it off because of them. No man wants to raise another man’s children and … Continue reading Mother →

It started when I was five years old. I came home from school and she handed me a tape. “I bought this for you,” she said.“Thanks,” I said and took the tape in my tiny half decade hands and looked at the cover. I could read and I knew Dolly Parton because my cousin was … Continue reading Damn You, Dolly Parton →

He hated them. He hated them all with their cackling bullshit. The laughter was hurtful and mean and he wanted revenge. Mother never said it would be like this. She had loved him with everything she had had and she had made all her friends love that peanut between his legs. His legume of love. … Continue reading Anaphylactic Peanut Penis →