He hadn’t died in his sleep so he chalked it up as a win. Rays of sunlight forced their way through the cracks in his curtains like horny rapists on speed aiming for the crack of his arse. His eyes hurt, but everything was going to be fine. Today was the day. The ice cream … Continue reading Blue Pill Ice Cream →

It was time and time was a passenger train hurtling towards the wall that would grab her soul and drag her to bottom of its ocean of loneliness and feline companionship. The refuge of beta males in waiting and cold and clammy nights of shit tinged breath in the dark asking: may I make love … Continue reading Herpes Dynamite →

She was his best friend. That was the best he could do at the moment, but he was playing the long game. Nobody knew her as well as he did. Hours and hours he had spent listening to her pour her heart out about the hundreds of guys who had pumped and dumped her. Surely, … Continue reading Best Friends →

The wooden spoon she had hit them with smashed into splintered shards when she brought it down onto the kitchen bench. GO TO YOUR FUCKING ROOMS, she said and they ran to where she had told them to go. He’d broken it off because of them. No man wants to raise another man’s children and … Continue reading Mother →

It started when I was five years old. I came home from school and she handed me a tape. “I bought this for you,” she said.“Thanks,” I said and took the tape in my tiny half decade hands and looked at the cover. I could read and I knew Dolly Parton because my cousin was … Continue reading Damn You, Dolly Parton →

He hated them. He hated them all with their cackling bullshit. The laughter was hurtful and mean and he wanted revenge. Mother never said it would be like this. She had loved him with everything she had had and she had made all her friends love that peanut between his legs. His legume of love. … Continue reading Anaphylactic Peanut Penis →

Sweety Pie heaved over the ball of dough and loved it more than he’d loved anything else that had ever existed. He was naked from the waist down. He was wearing his apron that was littered with dried pieces of dough that he called “The Friends”. Sweat ran down his forehead like a salty stream … Continue reading Sweety Pie →

He threw back that caffeinated tar like it was water. There would be no faggoty and degenerate dairy in his cup to soil the essence of his masculine purity. Degeneracy was not far from him, though. An image flashed upon the TV. A woman in a bikini. He threw his mug at the TV, smashing … Continue reading The Patriarchal Tradcon Warrior →

Cry, old woman Cry. When you can’t remember those island streets And Your beer stained Nakedness is yelling things you kept buried When You were sober...

Thirty-five hurtled into her like a team of runaway horses and trampled every last remnant of youth that had clung to her like the fading prize fighter clings to the ring ropes before taking that final punch that sends him into retirement. Everything had been fine until that goddamn doctor had told her that most … Continue reading In it for the Jizz →