The Greatest Generation

They sat around the table because serious shit needed to be discussed. Candle light bounced off the walls creating deformed shadows in the darkness and the air was thick like a fart in the shower. What the fuck is this all about and how long will it take? said Gen X.
I’m not spending a single cent on this, said the Boomer and he ran a hand over the barcode that represented the last strands of hair that had decided to stay when all the others had left. Gen X looked at the Boomer from across the table. This is why no one likes you, he said.
Who? Me? said the Boomer.
Yeah, fuckn tight arse, said Gen X.
Excuse me, can we tone the language down a bit, please? said the Millennial.
What? said the Boomer.
There are younger members here and I’m also concerned that someone might say something a bit triggering, said the Millennial.
Are you talking about that thing? said Gen X, pointing at the Zoomer. The Zoomer had heard none of this and was deep in the process of becoming one with the screen of his phone. There was a brief silence. The Boomer took advantage of the candle light and how shit it was at lighting up a room and stuck his hand down the back of his pants to scratch his arse crack. Now, can we have a fair and civil discussion? said the Millennial.
Can we just get it moving, man? said Gen X.
I’m going to have to stop you there, said the Millennial.
TIME IS MONEY, said the Boomer who was sniffing his hand, the one that had been digging for gold earlier.
Motherfucker, you don’t get it do you? said Gen X and the Zoomer punched the screen of his phone.
Get what? said the Boomer.
I have to stop you there, said the Millennial, who had started to turn a shade of red. Kind of pink. I have to stop you there and take you back to what you said before, he said.
What did I say? said the Boomer.
No, not you, said the Millennial.
Me? said Gen X.
FUCK, said the Zoomer.
You misgendered me, said the Millennial.
What the hell does that mean, man? said Gen X.
You transgender or something? said the Boomer.
FAGGOTS!! said the Zoomer and he brought his fist down on the table with the fury of a thousand autists.
Just because I look one way doesn’t mean you get to assume what I am, said the Millennial.
Well, you look like a lesbian, said Gen X.
This is wasting my time and if any of this bullshit affects my nineteen rental properties then there will be hell to pay.
You’re all about the money, man, said Gen X.
Money makes the world go round, said the Boomer.
You can’t do it to other people too, said the Millennial and now he was purple. The Zoomer had yet to look up from his phone and would not have been able to pick the other three out of a line up. Gen X lit a cigarette. Blue-grey smoke twisted and turned in the air around them until it hit the ceiling and then spread like the legs of a whore. WHY ARE WE HERE?!?! said the Boomer.
Because you’re a dick, said Gen X.
Please stop! said the Millennial, but he’d been triggered too much. Gen X and the Boomer watched as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell directly to the left and off the chair. Moans and groans and the sound of his lesbian boots hitting the table bounced off the walls with the candle light. The Zoomer saw nothing. Does anyone know why we’re here? said Gen X.
Obviously, to lose money, said the Boomer.
How about you little buddy? said Gen X to the Zoomer.
FUCK OFF, said the Zoomer.
Whose kid is that? He needs a thrashing, said the Boomer.
I thought you brought him, said Gen X. The Millennial slowly dragged himself to his feet and the Boomer and Gen X watched his head rise over the table like the sun rises over mountain peaks in the morning. Sweat was pouring from his head and he looked like he was about to cry. You need to chill the fuck out, said Gen X.
Stop being such a pansy, said the Boomer.
Is this your retard, by the way? said Gen X to the Millennial and with a vigorous twitch of the neck he was back on the floor convulsing like a spasticated fuckwit.
Seriously, I have money to make and the futures of other generations to shit all over through my greed, said the Boomer.
I have to rock out, said Gen X.
SHIT!! said the Zoomer and the phone he had been glued to was thrown across the room. It hit the candle that was providing all their light and all four of them were plunged into darkness. Well, this is fucked, said Gen X.
I did not exploit and plunder to sit in darkness. I’m getting the fuck out of here, said the Boomer.
Darkness triggers me, said the Millennial.
What does that even mean? said the Boomer.
I’m scared of the dark, said the Millennial.
Pussy, said the Boomer and Gen X in unison. Then the door opened. Light bled from outside and beat the darkness back like a lunatic attacking a dog. In the doorway stood the Greatest Generation. The Boomer, Gen X and the Zoomer all stared at him and he didn’t say a single word. The Millennial was still on the floor, occasionally convulsing and groaning, overpowered by the emotions set off by being misgendered and being called a lesbian. It was a compound triggering. The silence was broken when the Greatest Generation spoke. You, come with me, he said. The Boomer motioned to stand up. NOT YOU! said the Greatest Generation and then he pointed to Gen X and nodded.
Sure thing, Grandpa, said Gen X.
Do something about your retard over there and your daughter on the floor, said the Greatest Generation to the Boomer.
Yes, Dad, said the Boomer. Gen X turned around and gave them all the middle finger and left with the Greatest Generation. He closed the door behind him.

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