Spiritual, but not Religious

She could never abide by the rules of some God. Fuck. Did He know what it was like to be Her? Yoga mat rolled out in the backyard. Facing the sun as it peaked over the horizon. Hello? Anybody here? Oh, it’s you again. Whore. Positive vibes and nothing ever happened. She didn’t believe in negativity so therefore it did not exist. Her journey had no map and that’s what made it exciting. The Universe was looking out for her. Things were a lot better when you adjusted them to suit yourself. That’s what made her happy. Her ex-priest had said she was demonic. What would he know? He was only a priest. The sun sprayed it’s rays over her face and body like all the stops she had made on her journey. The journey that was her life. Screaming matches and broken plates. Dark corners and foetal positions. They were all gone. Washed away because she was spiritual, but not religious. She thanked the Universe and the sun and ripped the yoga pants out from her arse crack. There was crying coming from the house. What’s the matter? she said to the sun but it did not answer. She was sweating but the sun’s shoulder was cold. Silence. Crying in the background. She got up and went inside.

A child crying. What’s the matter? You’re sick? Let’s ask the Universe to help you. Universe? Please help this child. Universe? UNIVERSE! ANSWER ME GODDAMN IT!!! she said but the child was still crying. What the fuck is wrong with you? she said and she touched the child’s head. Fire. Coals for brains. She went to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the vitamins. Here, take this and she handed the child a tablet the size of a thumb. The label said something about the Universe. You’re not spiritual enough, she said. The child held the tablet in her hand. She had no teeth and after a few moments dropped it on the ground. Disrespect and a middle finger to the Universe. She didn’t hit the child though. She was spiritual, not religious. Pick that up, she said but the child screamed. Her yoga pants were riding up her arse crack again. A hungry crevice and she was trying to remember whether she had wiped it properly. The Universe is upset with you, that’s why you’re hot, she said to the child. Take your goddamn vitamin! The child walked away, no longer crying but somewhat frustrated at how much of a fuckwit her mother was.

The dinner table and she was alone. Breathing the the success of the day and continually thanking the Universe, the sun and anything else that was not a deity that imposed rules on her lifestyle. A single kale chip in her hand and she knew she deserved it. All that hard work on herself. Mistakes had been made but her spirituality had gotten her through. A text message mid-chew and she closed her eyes. She asked the sun or the Universe who it was. Silence again. Was she doing this wrong? Kale bits in her teeth. This is me. Accept it or move on. She looked at the phone and it was one of them. One of those from before she had found the map that was not a map that guided her down the path that was the journey that was unique because it was her life. Her new life. Want a root? She stared at the screen. Was this spiritual? She looked outside for the answer. The answer was yes. She wanted a root. I don’t want you to judge me, she typed.
Never.
You can come over then, she typed.
Cool.
See you soon, she typed and she was happy with how accepting she had been of her own actions. The nuns had called her a whore and had kicked her out of church. Now, she was free to do whatever she felt like because she was spiritual. She took some vitamins and herbs from the cabinet. She had had a rash on her legs for three months and she thought it was finally starting to work. The Universe had told her about the herbs in the garden. She wasn’t quite sure what they were, but they had transformed the rash from a few spots into a black wound. Things were looking up. Thanks to the Universe.

He came with drinks and snacks that she promptly made him discard because they were not natural. He smelled of chemicals and when she found out it was soap she was horrified that he would come over to her house after having used something so deadly. She only washed with crystals. You’ll have to leave, she said.
I think that’s for the best because you stink, he said.
HOW DARE YOU, she said at his back and at his car as it drove down the street and she asked the Universe to kill him on his way home or twenty years from now. She asked the sun to give him cancer and for his soap scum dick to drop off. A step slightly higher than she had expected and she tripped and cut her leg open on a nail that stuck out of the floorboards. The black rash that had once been red was now red again and she hurried inside to ask the Universe what to do. In the backyard again and she gathered various grasses and stuck them to her leg. The blood kept them attached but she was getting light headed. She tried to get back inside to take more vitamins or kale or some other retarded shit but she tripped again and broke her neck on a brick that lined the garden she had never tended to. Weeds grew out of it and now into her ear as she lay there dead and there was nothing because she was spiritual, not religious. The child stood at a distance staring at her. Black and red and green from the kale on the yellow of her teeth. She went back inside and closed the door behind her.

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